[ Home ]
[ Poems I Wrote ]
[ Aphrodite's Bookstores ]
[ Love Poems Sent In ]
[ Poetry We Love ]
[ Poems I Love ]
[ Send In Your Love Poetry ]
[ Romance Stories ]
[ Life Poetry ]
[ Living Love and Loving Life ]
[ Columns ]
[ Articles ]
[ Forums ]
[ Love Tests ]
[ Free Love Cards ]
[ Posters and Prints ]
] [ Links ]
[ About Me ]
[ Webrings ]
[ Awards ]
[ Site Map ]
Is My Loved One
Russell, Ph.D., MFT
February 5, 2001
Offering you something that is Too Good To Be True.
You can easily recognize this with telemarketers. They call you;
speak to you by first name with a familiarity that is inappropriate.
Then they ask, How are you today? If you respond, you have entered
an increased intimacy level with a stranger.
What makes this difficult for you is that your early childhood abuse
did not allow you to build all the protective boundaries you need.
So when someone who is abusive tests you with a small intrusion,
you might not notice.
Often what happens, though, is that you do notice. Unfortunately,
you learned early in life to discount your own perceptions of reality.
This is not your FAULT. It is learned behavior for you to simply
ignore what you are seeing. You do see or feel this very small invasion
and threat to your well-being. Then you say things to yourself that
you learned early in life to cope with your abuse, like:
I take things too seriously
I am such a complainer
Don't be silly, they don't mean anything by it.
What is the matter with me?
I am such a B....h or B.......d
There I go again, making a mountain out of a molehill!
I probably misunderstood.
______________________________Add your own to this list.
After they have tested you once, they become slightly more abusive
or intrusive. Then they continue their infiltration into your space
over and over. Unfortunately, you do not really acknowledge the
abuse until it gets really bad. By then, it has become terribly
difficult to get out of the relationship.
In tomorrow's article, I will tell you about addictive relationships.
Remember; wait until you finish this week's postings before you
make any decisions about your relationship. There is important information
Laura Russell, Ph.D., MFT
About this Contributor:
I am a Licensed Marriage
and Family Therapist in Torrance California and National Board Certified
Counselor with a Clinical Mental Health Specialization. I work most
often with the treatment of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in adults
and children. On a personal note, I have had CFIDS and Fibromyalgia
for the past 10 years and have much to say on coping with these
conditions. Additionally, since the hospice care and death of my
husband, I also write about grief and loss.